I remember back in high school feeling like the most awkward, nervous, and timid teenager in the world.
Every day, I was overwhelmed by this constant sense of judgment and criticism from my peers. It felt like it dictated everything—how I dressed, how I spoke, even how I carried myself. Anytime life didn’t meet my expectations, I’d retreat inward, unsure how to cope.
It was a big shift from who I was in middle school. Back then, I was loud, energetic, full of life. But high school changed that. I became quiet, aimless—just trying to make sense of the social hierarchies and feel like I mattered.
So I picked up the classic teenager survival kit:
- I mimicked my friends’ interests and mindsets just to fit in.
- I bought clothes that matched the group’s style, hoping to blend in.
- I escaped into video games when real life felt too heavy.
- I avoided my negative emotions, choosing music, parties, and going out as ways to distract myself.
- I felt resentful of bullies who knew exactly how to get under my skin—yet instead of standing up for myself, I just distanced myself.
- I obsessed over every pimple, every pore, hyper-aware of how I looked, desperate to seem likable.
Looking back, I see how deeply I wanted to be part of something bigger than myself. I craved belonging, validation, and that elusive sense of being “enough.” I thought if I could just be cool enough, attractive enough, smart enough, or socially fluent enough, I’d finally feel worthy.
But the truth is, I never really felt like me during that time. Sure, bits of my personality showed through, but mostly, I was performing—trying to please the crowd instead of honoring who I really was.
A lot of that came from feeling like life was one big competition. Everything around me seemed to say: if you’re not excelling in all areas—looks, intelligence, ambition, popularity—you’re falling behind.
That’s a massive weight to carry, especially as a teenager. But what’s even more striking is how this pressure doesn’t just end after high school. It follows us into adulthood, just with new roles, new expectations.
So now I’m asking in retrospect: how do I deal with this? How do I live fully and authentically in a world that keeps nudging me to be someone I’m not?
Let’s explore that. Together.
Think Win/Win
I think the hardest lesson any human being has to learn is to let go of their ego.
A lot of us grow up relying on ego, pride, and even narcissistic tendencies as a form of protection. It’s how we learn to survive socially — to be seen, accepted, and respected. But the tricky part is that this behavior often carries into adulthood, unchecked. It becomes our default way of navigating relationships and the world.
The problem with that mindset is it usually operates like a zero-sum game — where if I’m not winning, someone else is losing, or vice versa. It’s rooted in constant comparison and quiet competition.
And it’s true what they say: comparison is the thief of joy.
What’s less intuitive — but so much more powerful — is recognizing that relationships don’t have to be win/lose. They can be win/win. That shift starts when we reframe our mindset from “What can I get?” to “How can I support this person?” or “How can I make them feel seen, heard, and valued?”
This way of thinking teaches us to look beyond ourselves. Because when we’re only focused inward, we’re not truly connecting — not with our friends, our family, or our partners.
But here’s the catch: we can’t live in constant selflessness either. There has to be balance. A healthy relationship is reciprocal — both people should feel respected, appreciated, and supported. If you’re consistently pouring into someone who disrespects you or takes you for granted, that’s a sign it’s time to draw boundaries.
The most harmonious relationships I’ve experienced are the ones where both people win together — where we uplift each other. Those are the connections I value most and work hard to protect.
To keep those “golden” relationships strong, I’ve learned the importance of making consistent emotional deposits. When you check in with someone, show up for them, and genuinely care — you’re adding to their emotional bank.
But the opposite is also true. Making someone feel invalidated, unseen, or unheard — even once — can act like a major withdrawal. And those withdrawals can be costly. Sometimes they undo a lot of the good we’ve built.
I’m grateful to have a few of those golden relationships in my life today. But they didn’t just happen — they came after a lot of inner work. I had to unlearn habits, check my ego, and do the hard work of becoming more humble, grounded, and open-hearted.
In the next section, we’ll talk about how to strengthen your mental health — because that’s where it all begins.
Strengthening Your Mental Health & Self-Care
A strong mentality is one of the most important aspects of living a happy, fulfilling life. But what does mental health actually mean?
To me, mental health means being stable, present, and confidently yourself.
Too often, we rely on external factors to bring us happiness—whether it’s finding the right partner, chasing the thrill of vacations, or buying the latest car or house to feel accomplished.
But this mindset keeps us in a constant chase for some “snapshot” in the future. We forget to focus on the now—to truly acknowledge our thoughts and emotions in the present.
The below video perfectly describes this illusion that Dr. Stutz describes as that snapshot we sometimes trap ourselves in. If you haven’t seen the full documentary called Stutz, I highly recommend you check it out on Netflix as I found the insights from it to be incredibly valuable and eye-opening on learning more about ourselves.
We truly need to learn to be happy with ourselves first, before entering an intimate relationship or being supportive to the people closest to us. Another person should never be our sole source of happiness. The same concept applies to vacations, materialistic items, and anything else that is outside of yourself.
True joy comes from within—and it starts with you.
What hobbies do you truly enjoy? If you already have something you love doing just for fun—with no pressure or expectations—then you’re on the right track. But if not, it might be time to slow down and reconnect with yourself. Make space in your day for the moments that help you unwind and feel more like you.
For example, if you love watching movies, when was the last time you treated yourself to a solo movie night at the theater? Small things like that can make a big difference.
Sometimes, we simply have to learn to be.
That means spending quality time alone. It means appreciating your own company and teaching yourself that you’re already enough. Regardless of where you are in life, you are doing something valuable. Just existing, growing, and learning is already a part of your journey.
We’re all striving for something—whether it’s a career goal, a personal milestone, or the next big win. But as the saying goes, “It’s about the journey, not the destination.” And I couldn’t agree more.
Every day you spend working on yourself, you’re gaining wisdom from experience, absorbing lessons from your environment, and nurturing your mental wellness. Being mindful of your daily habits and showing gratitude for your own accomplishments helps you appreciate life on a deeper level—you’re filling your own cup.
Therapy is a powerful tool that can support this mindset and is something I recommend to everyone to enhance their well-being.
A Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, for example, can help you stay grounded, hold you accountable, and provide a professional, unbiased space to work through your thoughts. They’re not there to fix you—they’re there to guide you as you heal, grow, and thrive.
To me, mental health also means being comfortable in your identity and understanding how to adapt in different environments—without losing your authenticity.
I’m not the same person at work as I am at home, or when I’m out with friends. And that’s okay.
At work, I’m professional, assertive, and selfless. At home, I’m more relaxed and introspective. With friends, I’m social, playful, and empathic. We all wear different hats, but being aware of who we are in each of these spaces helps us stay grounded in our identity.
When you accept yourself fully—flaws, strengths, and everything in between—you naturally build confidence. And people will feel that energy. People are drawn to authenticity. They respond to the real you.
True mental health is about letting go of external dependencies and learning to appreciate your inner world. It’s not about becoming perfect. It’s about becoming whole.
Balancing Introvert & Extrovert Needs
I’m an introvert by nature, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have extrovert tendencies.
When I retreat within myself, I love a hot cup of green tea or a hot matcha latte. I love eating delicious food and enjoy cooking home-made meals. I also love to occasionally play single-player adventure video games and watch trending tv shows like Severance.
These activities help me appreciate who I am and the best part is they don’t involve interacting with anyone.
But I also love connecting with my best friends, catching up with my parents, and traveling to new restaurants, places, or walking around my neighborhood to see people out and about.
The way I balance both introvert and extrovert needs is paying attention to my physiological and emotional reactions to my experiences.
If I’ve been at a party talking to people for a few hours and start to notice myself get quiet or run out of things to say, I know it’s a sign that my social battery is probably running low and my extrovert needs have either been met or have been surpassed.
So I will take the time to help myself by going to the bathroom for a break. Or maybe I’ll step away and grab a coffee from a nearby cafe. And sometimes, if I’m really tired I will kindly say “I had a great time, but it’s time for me to head home”.
And that’s ok, we are allowed to take care of ourselves.
On the opposite spectrum, when I’ve spent a lot of time at home doing my favorite hobbies and I start to get bored or crave conversation with someone, I’ll hang out with my partner, call my parents, or get in touch with my friends.
The important thing is to pay attention to when I notice these cues in my body and the thoughts that come and go. Sometimes I’ll have a physical exhaustion after talking for so long and that’s my sign I need time to myself.
And when I’m becoming restless with my thoughts from how quiet it can get at home, that’s my signal to connect with my circle.
It’s easy to dismiss these thoughts and feelings, but if you give them attention and space to breathe, you’ll be able to advocate for yourself and be independent in taking care of yourself.
Conclusion
At an early age, we’re taught to compete with the world.
But instead of seeing everything as a competition, it’s often more meaningful to ask yourself: What can I do for those around me? Shifting from a mindset of comparison to one of connection can be powerful.
When was the last time you truly connected with a loved one or your best friend? If it’s been a while, reach out. Schedule time to hang out, catch up, or just share space. Those moments matter more than we often realize.
Now, that doesn’t mean you should stop working on yourself. There’s a big difference between being selfish and genuinely caring for yourself.
Knowing when you need to recharge or when you crave connection — tapping into your introvert or extrovert side — helps you feel whole and create a more balanced lifestyle.
And don’t forget: your mental health is just as important as your physical health. If you know there are things you’re struggling with, there’s nothing wrong about seeking support from a licensed therapist, like a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist.
Even if you don’t feel like anything’s “wrong,” checking in with a therapist can be a great way to stay grounded. Think of it like going to the dentist twice a year to keep your teeth healthy, or seeing your doctor for your annual check-up. It’s all maintenance — and your mind deserves that care, too.
Mental health matters. You’ll never regret the time or energy you spend learning about yourself and building tools to handle life’s everyday challenges.
So, what are some of the challenges you’re currently facing? And what tools or strategies have helped you along the way?