What to Do When You’re Bored

On the rare day where I have nothing to do in my spare time, I’ve lately been struggling to figure out how to spend my time.

After a long day at work, I’m usually seeking a fun experience to help me relieve stress from the adulting grind. My hobbies that I’ve rotated lately are reading, video games, and watching tv shows or movies. But I’ve gotten very bored of these hobbies. Nothing hits the same anymore. I’ve tried new video games, new books, new shows, and new movies, but everything eventually feels dull and loses its luster. I’ve had several weekends where I had the golden opportunity to do what I want, but when I lean into my hobbies I get bored of them in a few minutes and drop them. I get into this state where I want to do something, but I don’t know what to do and it frustrates me 😤.

I’ve spent a lot time researching and Googling this question: “What do you guys do when you’re bored?”. I tried looking on Reddit and a lot of people recommend the same things:

• Sewing
• Cooking
• Video games
• Learn a new software
• Gym
• Sports
• Netflix
• Hiking
• Learn a new language

What’s funny is seeing all the ideas out there gives me anxiety and doesn’t motivate me to want to try these things out. It has this opposite effect where I get stunted and stubborn with not wanting to do anything. Yet, I’m torn because I don’t want to be bored. Right now it’s winter so I definitely don’t feel like going outside like I normally would in the summer. This is what makes things worse, winter blues is a real issue guys. Having cold weather makes me feel more limited to doing things in my home. And the things I do at home are just everyday tasks to sustain life. Doing dishes, laundry, cooking, and never ending cleaning. All of that feels more of a necessity than a fun way to spend my downtime. Sewing? I don’t like working with my hands and I’m not creative in that way. I’m usually happier in the summer since I have more options and motivation for going on and enjoying my city or walking around my beautiful neighborhood. But when it’s cold, I just want to be a couch potato and vegetate in my bed.

This is where video games used to dominate a lot of my free time especially when it got freezing cold. It’s one of my biggest indulgences I’ve had for a good portion of my life. I remember all the way back when I had my first GameBoy Color and was blissfully playing Pokemon Blue. Now, as an adult at 33, video games cause me stress! Which is so sad because I used to find them fun, stimulating, and rewarding. But that’s where I’ve noticed the problem lies. This dependence on external experiences has diminishing returns. I’m the kind of person who will listen to a song I love on repeat until I get bored of that song and don’t listen to music for days or even weeks because there’s nothing else that gives me that same sensation as the first time hearing the song.

I feel like when I’m amazingly skilled at video games it meant I was achieving something and rewarding myself with virtual rewards in that world. Call of Duty is your classic example, the more you play and get better at shooting then the more your rank increases. And when your rank increases, you acquire more skins for your operator and guns, and you get access to more tools in battle. Do you see the problem?

I could waste tons of hours on doing this just to keep acquiring the next gun and each dopamine hit of a winning match would make me want to continue playing. Eventually, I get burnt out and look at the time and feel depressed. Which is so ironic, I went from having so much joy to feeling deflated and unfulfilled right when I put down the controller.

I think the hardest thing I’ve realized as an adult is that what used to give you joy as a kid, no longer provides you the same feeling and excitement as you evolve and grow older.

When it comes to reading and watching tv, it’s pretty much the same problem. After you do the same hobbies innumerable times, everything just kind of fades and becomes more of a chore than a fun task.

Then, one morning I randomly saw this TED video on my feed where this woman talked about how it’s empowering to allow yourself to be bored:

This was refreshing to watch! And also scary as hell. As soon as the video ended, I checked my screen time app on my iPhone and saw I was averaging about 2-3 hours/day on my phone. This baffled me. I was imagining how I could better spend those hours doing something I actually love. I dread the idea of wasting hours on my phone when I realistically don’t do anything useful or productive with it. I suddenly felt inspired from this TED talk to try allowing myself to get bored and challenge my brain come up with ideas of what to do versus cycling through my mundane list of hobbies.

The next morning I made a conscious effort to not endlessly scroll on my usual apps on my phone (i.e., Reddit, Instagram, Facebook). This was much harder to do than you think. It’s crazy how much of a reaction it is for me to just open my phone for no intentional reason and just swipe up indefinitely on these apps. After scrolling for a few minutes and catching myself, I turned off my phone and put it on my night table. That feat alone was incredibly difficult to do and eye-opening at how hard that was.

I sat up in my bed, put my pillow behind my lower back, and just stared at the four walls of my room. A thought came into my head how some people would probably look at this scene and think I’m a crazy person that should be in a straight jacket. I laughed inside my head for a bit and continued to stare into the abyss. A few moments pass and I feel more calm and I allow my thoughts come and go.

Eventually, I try to think of what I can do. I’m struggling here because I feel bored. Frustratingly bored just staring into the white paint of these walls. I start to think of ideas that I would have never entertained had I not been staring blankly into my room:

• What if I prompted ChatGPT to suggest new hobbies for me if I give ChatGPT my current hobbies, interests, and personality traits?
• What if I wrote a memoir of my life? I remember listening to Jennette McCurdy’s podcast on Spotify called “I’m Glad My Mom Died” and I remember feeling inspired by her brutal honesty of her life experiences.
• I miss my best friends. I barely talk to anyone now that I’m so busy. Maybe I should schedule a call with my closest friends? And talk to them more regularly and reach out to them on a consistent basis so that I can learn about how they’re doing in their life. I want to have more connection with people.

On the comic book idea, I pulled up the ChatGPT app on my iPhone, gave some context and asked my question. And I was surprised to see a suggestion I had never considered: comic books.

I always thought of comic books as childish and not for adults, but since I’m trying new things here I want to keep an open mind and entertain this idea. It makes sense, I already enjoy reading and I’m curious if reading word bubbles along with pictures would be an interesting way of engaging in a story. Since I’m a huge fan of movies and shows, the first kind of comic book character I thought of was Batman. I love Batman’s character and any show and movie created for the character.

I decided I wanted to go to Barnes & Nobles so I could browse the most popular Batman comics and pick one to get started. To my surprise, I stumbled on a comic book that was not Batman, but instead Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. But this was not your child-version of TMNT, it was a dark night version of TMNT. It looked gritty, dark, and apocalyptic. Very fitting for my mood and current situation.

It’s called “The Last Ronin“:

That cover art is amazing. I bought it and I was super excited to have a new book to read! I was surprised by how much I was appreciating the art, the directional movement of the panels to guide your eye in each scene, and how captivating the colors were. I ended up finishing the book in the span of a week and wanted to get more comic books! I did some research and found one of the top Batman comic books and bought it at my next trip to Barnes & Nobles. I’m currently taking my time reading it and loving every second of it. I definitely appreciate the arts and seeing my favorite character so well depicted and absorbing each page is such a fresh take on story telling.

After a while, I went ahead and tried out the memoir idea. It felt really good to document my life, but a lot of it was depressing since I was talking about heavy things that I’ve experienced. I wrote about 15 pages in a couple of weeks and have since dropped it. I may get back into it, but I think I’d need to be in a different headspace to continue on. Regardless, I’m glad I gave it a try and I know I can always pick it up whenever I want.

The last idea to reconnect with my friends had one of my favorite results. I reached out to my friends in our group chats and asked if we could meet bi-weekly to chat and catch up. I was happy that the message was well received. Everyone was down for it and I organized the recurring meetings through Google meets. We had our first call and I already felt so happy just getting to hear about everyone’s lives and what each of them were up to. I had a genuine curiosity about what my friends were doing, what their new hobbies were, sharing my struggles and laughing about staring at walls. By the end of the call, I felt like my heart was full and my social needs were met. It’s moments like these where I’m reminded that this is what’s most important in life. The close friendships and familial relationships are all I’ve got and I need to cherish each person for as long as I breathe.

I also applied this idea to my in-laws since I’m very close to them and they were down for it too. I scheduled a monthly call since it’s a larger group and everyone is adulting, taking care of kids, and pursuing different goals. I try to come up with ideas to make the virtual hangouts a blast. In our most recent hangout I suggested we play Taboo using this free website. Everyone took a turn sharing their screen and it was hilarious seeing everyone try and get their partner to say the word on each card. We all ate dinner together, talked about anything and everything, and it was really enjoyable because everyone was present together even though we’re all just staring at our computer screens. It was a very wholesome experience and I now want this to be part of my ritual every month.

Overall, these ideas and experiences wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t allow myself to get bored. I felt empowered and inspired for once. I haven’t felt these uplifting emotions in a long time. Most of my week involves problem solving, repetition, and exhausting myself at the gym at 6:00AM. Life feels like my foot is on the gas pedal depressed all the way down and by the time I have time to slow down and catch myself I don’t even know what to do. When I don’t know what to do in my spare time, I’m left feeling restless and sad that I sometimes don’t know how to enjoy my own downtime. But now I know how to use this tool. This tool to allow myself to just be and stare at the four walls of my home. The excitement of coming up with new ideas is thrilling and it reminds me of the very first few times I’ve gotten into my hobbies, like my first video game, or the first movie that moved me, or the first show I had to binge from beginning to end.

I’m looking forward to the next time I’m bored so that I can generate ideas that will open opportunities for myself to live a more free, well-intentioned, and fulfilling life.

I’d love to hear what you come up with when you’re bored. Please feel to share what you come up with when you stare at your walls!